Life seems to be all about Who You Married, How Much You Make, and How Long You Live. #SoBoring

Life has been Troll-Free for 3 Days. So Happy, I may Bake Cookies later. #WontLast

On Thursday, be reminded of all the Pricks you Hate--whom u only have to see once a year. Better Yet, Just Skip it, and Actually Enjoy Life!

Your Grade Point Average and Haircut both came from the 7-Ds.

I guess it's not a good idea to hit on the Waitress, if she looks like one of the Manson Girls!

I'm a Doctor. My Father is a Lawyer. But all he does is Tri/Try My Patients/Patience.

Stop making Ads saying "only the finest ingredients." Everyone says that. It makes u sound stupid & unoriginal.

I guess the internet is Frustrating only when dealing with Companies that Have No Clue about it--such as Yahoo Web Hosting and India Tech Support. Yep, I said it.

I have learned that the internet is a big crock of shit. And a huge waste of time.

Southern California: Highest Gas Prices around.

Gas prices hit a new record in Southern California on Saturday. 4.nbcla.com/R19ebZ

— NBC Los Angeles (@NBCLA) October 6, 2012

Gas prices have gone up 47 cents in the past week. The average price of a gallon of self-serve regular gasoline in Los Angeles County rose to $4.53, the highest amount since July 12, 2008.

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/Record-High-Gas-Prices-Leave-Motorist...

Los Angeles: 25 degrees cooler this weekend, than it was four days ago. via @NbcLA

Put the Asshole in your Life Behind You.

Clearing your cache is deleting temporary memory/files from your browser. So, applying 2 ppl means forgetting them.

Some people make me want to "clear my cache" after hanging out with them.

Ultra Productive Day.

There's nothing worse then an employee who doesn't carry their share of the workload.

I have no problem doing their job for them, but then why they hell do they work there?

And if they are older then you, it is even worse. It's like changing their diaper! And they never implement the things they are told to do. What a waste! Employees like that don't last!

I just feel like saying "Fuck You" right now. And so I did.

When a Sign says "Washrooms for Customer use Only," Don't Feel Compelled to Buy Something, if they are Filthy.

Why is it so hard to put an Address in a Real Estate Advertisement? Do u wanna sell the Fucking House, or not?

The more DirtBall Women I speak with, the more I am tempted to say "Get a Personality, Bitch."

When you don't have a Troll eating your Soul, it can be Great to be Alive.

Kitchens are not my strong point. Nor any activity which commences in such a place. Back to eating out.

Foods we'll serve at my funeral: a list

1. Soft Pretzels and Yellow Mustard

2. RockStar Energy Drink

3. Beef Jerky

4. Steak Sandwiches: Hell Yeah, but No Cheese!

5. Rib-Eye Steak

6. Iced Tea

7. Bul Go Gi (Korean BBQ)

8. Kalbi Beef (Korean BBQ)

9. Slurpies (All Flavors, Except Blueberry)

10. Orange Juice

11. Lemon Juice

12. Vinegar

13. Cesar Salad with Croutons: Oil & Vinegar Dressing

I might need to hit a grocery store today. But, yeah, these are some of my favorite foods. List yours in the comments.

I Love Waking Up to Really Loud LawnMowers. #PieceOfMind Just Fucking Love it.

Example: You wake up all groggy and tired. Haven't even had Caffeine yet. Head to the computer to Read your RSS Feeds. But you gotta launch iTunes and play something to block-out the noise of the goddamned neighbors' mowing lawns with the loudest lawn mowers ever made. It's just a giant "hum" permeating the entire neighborhood. And these aren't the little push kind, they are the big bad riding mowers; like the one Forest Gump drove in that movie--but larger and louder.

And the best part is, you can't even focus on what you're reading.

And who wears a fucking Hard Hat while riding a mower? Are you in the band "Devo"? You look like a fucking moron. And you are not going to get hurt if you fall off the thing. It only goes 5 miles per hour. You old wanker!

Jolly Fucking Day!

Another Live Version

Album Version

 

I haven't given a Shit about Video Games since I was 14. Grow the Fuck Up, People.

Wishing Human-Robots would STOP giving Scripted Answers that don't apply to the situation. Talk & interact Like Humans!

Is it Physically Possible to get any More Salt on a Pretzel. WTF? #SodiumNap

ChainSaws must be really popular in my neighborhood.

Olympic Physical Activity promoted Every 4 Years. Eating Cheese promoted Every Day. Priorities?

If elected President, I will BAN LEAF BLOWERS permanently. And that Beeping Noise Trucks Make Backing Up.

Ever Notice how "Get Well" can easily translate into "Go To Hell" ?

Human Beings will go out of their way to Withhold information from you. Either that, or they're just Fucking Stupid.

I make really good Salads (read more)

Today, I made a Salad that has Croutons, Onions, Tomatoes, and Egg, on top of Iceberg. Yeah, I normally don't do Iceberg, but I got one of those "Salad-in-a-Bag" at the Grocery Store. I put the toppings mentioned on the Salad. Straight Red-Wine Vinegar--No Oil. 8 TableSpoons.

I also make a great Tomato Salad. And I have been, since I was a Kid.

It makes me wonder about the Shitty Salads you get in Restaurants! So small, so wilted, so cheap, so shitty. It's NOT hard to make a good fucking salad. Seriously, just buy the Bag Salad ($3) and pour the entire bag in a large bowl. Value, MotherFucker!

The only good restaurant salads, that I could recommend, are from the CheeseCake Factory. However, those morons can't figure out how to seat people in a timely manner. Fuck waiting in line when you are with a group of people, and hungry.

Occasionally, a locally-owned Diner might have a good, large salad (if you pay $9-$15 for it). But there is always something missing from them--or they use a few wrong ingredients, or totally wrong dressing. Not to mention the hit-or-miss Waitress Experience. Most of them are lousy, attitdue-prone, minimum wage robots reading scripts. #FuckEm

Make your Salad at home. It's cheap, fun, and you can add whatever the fuck you want to it. And you can also control the "dressing." Forget all that Sweet, Shitty-Tasting, High Fat, High Cream Junk you are forced to use at Restaurants.

And by the way, when the fuck did they start putting Salad Dressing on HamBurgers at Red Robin Restaurants? Fuck That! Who wants piss running down their hand and arm while trying to eat a $15 HamBurger? No Thanks.

Come to think of it, I hate eating at Restaurants--the whole experience; from the Shitty way they "Greet" you, to taking my Drink Order and then Hiding for 15 Minutes. WTF?

Grocery Stores, you just got a New Best Friend. #BFF

Every Large Purchase comes with a Monthly Subscription. Here's most of them. Please add yours.

Every Large Purchase comes with a Monthly Subscription: 1. House, Electric, Ins, Mort, Rent 2. Car, Gas, Insurance, Tolls 3. School Diploma, Tuition, Books 4. Bed, Sheets, Laundry 5. Food, TP, Beauty Products 6. Computer, Internet, Content 7. TV, Cable, Movies 8. PayCheck, Taxes 9. Girlfriend, Dates 10. Gym Membership 11. And then you die! --Talk About a PrisonPlanet.

I'm so glad #5ReasonsIHateFacebook is Trending on Twitter. Can't wait for that POS Website to DIE.

How many things keep you Busy? How many things get you Results? There is a Difference!

Reminded of how much I hate Yuppies. Any out there: Go Fuck Yourself.

Photo illustrating exactly what's wrong with today's society:

I'd honestly support replacing ESPN in public places with The Weather Channel.

Stephen A Smith needs to shut the fuck up!

I dare anyone to wear Blue Scrubs & a Clipboard at their local Hospital. Walk the Halls & Look Busy. Take Pics!

Men: She's Cheating on You Right Now. Ladies: So is He.

Stop Making & Wearing Shorts that Look Like Pants!

Poor People are Scumbags. Rich People are Assholes. I believe in Eugenics.

The world is full of self-interested pricks. None of whom has your best interests at heart. Ever!

Brush ur Teeth + Drink any Drink. Tastes Weird. Oh, forgot u don't Brush ur Teeth.

@agarwal Ever since @Posterous sold to @Twitter Posterous has gone downhill.

Emailed Posts take about an hour to show up--if they ever do. Then, we go directly to the site to Post, and a few minutes later, the email we sent an hour ago shows up. Now it looks like we've double-posted.

Also, don't try to email a post from an iPhone. Now that Twitter owns Posterous, you won't get an immediate response, but about an hour later you will get an email asking you to confirm your post. You won't see that email until the next day, because you don't hear it come in, and you have moved-on to do other things by then.

And, even if you "confirm your post," once, you still have to do that just about every other time you email a new post--from the same device that was just confirmed on the previous post.

Like I said, ever since the buyout, the Blogging Service Posterous has gone downhill. (It used to be great. Used to be.)

I generally meet average-looking women who have a taste for below-average men. #RaiseYourStandardsBitch

Take a Walk around your Neighborhood. Some take care of their homes, others don't. That is a Microcosm of the World

@AdamCarolla "Arrogant, Pompous, and Dumb" sounds like my Dad.

Today I Learned: Medium & Large are Never in-stock, but 3XL is. I don't wear 3XL. Get some inventory in normal sizes!

Life is all about getting Around the Right People, and Away From the Wrong People!

Why do idiots speed-up after passing someone making a turn? It's rude & pointless in a 25mph zone.

Wish the world had a Mute button. My brain doesn't need to know that Landscapers are using Chainsaws in my immediate vicinity right now.

Welcome to Los Angeles. 1,000 sq ft Condo for $500,000+. That's a Condo: No Yard #RipOff

Welcome to Los Angeles. 1,000 sq ft Condo for $500,000+. That's a Condo: No Yard #RipOff

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Catchy Tune: How's She Gonna Save Her Sorry Soul

In the City, identity is tied to how low pants are; in country, how loud vehicle is.

Been to 2 public places w/Techno Music 2day. Wonder what the Elderly think.

Nothing screams Class, like your Inappropriate-in-Public Custom Ringtone.

Especially when you're over 40.

Sitting in Coffee Shop. Chick walks in. "Then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer."

Discard it & u'll need it tomorrow. Keep it & it'll weigh u down today.

Convenience Stores exist to Feed the Lowest Levels of Society.

Everyone I meet must be out of School, b/c I haven't met anyone w/Class in a while!

intriguing (photo) sheds insight about women

@AdamCarolla been listening to you for years. it sounds like u really don't like ur wife. #TruthThursdays

#TruthThursdays Americans Will Put Cheese on ANYTHING. KFC's New Cheese-Top Burger! (Photo)

Holy Fucking Shit. Gross.

I'm gonna try to post a few #TruthThurdays Tweets today. About 1 per hour.

@PaulFrankRizzo founder of #TruthThursdays & #TellTheTruthThursday

What kind of Coffee Shop doesn't have WiFi? Not even Locked, None at All.

I think Twitter is for making Social Commentary to strangers, Virtually, while being Physically present in Public Places.

I think Twitter is for making Social Commentary to strangers, Virtually, while being Physically present in Public Places.

Too Many NewsFeeds. This is how I feel right now! (Video)

I love this song: Felix Da HouseCat {Madame Hollywood}

There's too much good Music available, to be Forced to Listen to Shit in Public.

Armand Van Helden featuring Spalding Rockwell {Hear My Name} (Original Club Mix)

@PaulSCohen unplayable Blips suck! GrooveShark is now unsupported, too!

On a sidenote, here's a catchy tune:

Felix Da HouseCat {Madame Hollywood}

http://blip.fm/profile/mp3WatchWorld/blip/71846082/Felix+da+Housecat%E2%80%93...

A ton of Feel-Good Summer Music is Listed Here. Playable, too.

Click this link for a cool playlist.

http://blip.fm/mp3WatchWorld?page=3

Courtesy of mp3WatchWorld.com

@PaulSCohen Here's @BlipFM Search Results for Kularis & SpinTwistRecords

The song you want to Blip might not appear in the BlipFM Search Results just yet, because it is so new. I'd either give it another week or so, or try different searches. I searched Kularis (you can also try it inside quotes "Kularis" or "kularis") on BlipFM. I also tried SpinTwistRecords.

Alternatively, you can Blip a Kularis song, and include a Shortened Link to the particular YouTube Video you want to share.

Hope this helps. And be sure to "BlipOn!"

[[posterous-content:pid___0]][[posterous-content:pid___1]]

@BlipsByPFR can you upload to #blip pleaseyoutube.com/watch?v=JFSl2F…

— Paul Cohen (@paulscohen) June 24, 2012

 

Life in the Suburbs is all Birds Chirping, Dogs Barking, & Lawn Mowers. Read More Here:

The Damned {Noise Noise Noise}

Depeche Mode {Enjoy The Silence}

These days, it's more possible then ever, to become completely Disappointed with People!

This is a Test

You can see where a person's priorities are, by the very first account/person they followed on @Twitter

LiLo Car Accident, Recovery, and Release. Now Back to Work.

Car Accident (06-08-2012) 2:35pm PST

http://www.tmz.com/2012/06/08/lindsay-lohan-car-accident-porsche-hospitalized...

Recovery, Release, and Back to Work (06-08-2012) 3:11pm PST

http://www.tmz.com/2012/06/08/lindsay-lohan-released-hospital-car-crash/

45 Minutes, and a Few Grand of Insurance Money. $4,500

WorldWide Publicity, and You're Still Alive. $ Priceless

That's what great about Rental Car Insurance. Sign and Drive!

Guns 'N' Roses {Reckless Life}

OK @LindsayLohan you got my attention. Following you now.

Song: "Only Love" | Album: Winter Chill 3 | LISTEN HERE

http://grooveshark.com/s/Only+Love/oNSTi?src=5

Testing GrooveShark Song Link (1)

http://grooveshark.com/s/Pabadam/49mJPb?src=5

Hello.

Hello